Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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