my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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