I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
