My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
