Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
