when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
