I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
