i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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