Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
