I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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