I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
