Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
