Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my liver is dry heaving
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
