lets start a swedish sibling band together
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
