Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think your dad took our porno
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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