Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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