Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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