i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
