went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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