If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
