I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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