y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
