how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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