its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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