Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
