i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
