My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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