Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
