i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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