at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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