he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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