i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
