i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do herpes really smell.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I want to be your penis for a week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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