Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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