insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
