Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
