Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
