Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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