i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
