I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize