So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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