He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this beer tastes like vomit already
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
