No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
