I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
