dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I should be sponsored by Trojan
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
