If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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