He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
