Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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