True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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