She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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