Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just google imaged poop.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
