DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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