Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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