Your face is a jimmy john
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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