He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
