Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
True college students do jello shots in the library
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
