I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
