is your mom at the bar?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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