Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
