are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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