Your dad touched me again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
