he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
