seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
