i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He has the fingertips of a God
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