Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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