$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
